The Crown, season 6 episode 9, Hope Street, review: drugs, conspiracy, self-pity – it’s royal misery

Aside from Kate and Wills, the penultimate episode offers us a full-blown – and very bleak – existential crisis for the Queen

When The Crown (Netflix) covered the death of Diana, Princess of Wales, it appeared to stay away from conspiracy theories. But they come back to haunt the Royal family in episode nine. So does Mohamed al-Fayed (Salim Daw), touring TV studios to push his belief that the “Dracula” royals ordered the secret services to kill Diana and Dodi because she was pregnant with a Muslim child.
Do people still believe this now? All it will take is a TikTok video or two for a generation to be convinced. But back then – we have now reached 2004 – people did find it difficult to believe that the princess died as a result of a drunk-driver and the fact she was not wearing a seatbelt. An aide briefs the Queen (Imelda Staunton) that one poll has 89% thinking it might have been murder (I suspect that particular poll might have been self-selecting).
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An official police inquiry is ordered, under Met Police Commissioner Sir John Stevens, and that’s one strand of this episode taken care of. The big news is the fashion show at St Andrews in which Kate (Meg Bellamy) wears that see-through dress. “I’ve been assured that the tone of the show is risque. As in, racy,” says one of William’s braying friends.
Kate is on the phone to mum Carole, telling her that William (Ed McVey) will be in the audience. “Heels, not flats. You still want to show off those legs. It’s our duty to make use of the assets God has given us,” the mother instructs. Oh, Carole. Please tell me you didn’t talk like this.
William sees her in The Dress and his eyes nearly pop out of his head. In Lifetime movie style, they have their first kiss – only to be interrupted by William’s protection officer informing him that the Queen Mother has died. In reality, these two events happened in the same week but not on the same day, but where’s the drama in that?
The Queen (Imelda Staunton) is now having a full-blown existential crisis, and no longer has her mother or sister for support. She frets that nobody will turn out for her Golden Jubilee (they do): “They’re sick of me, quite frankly.” Harry and William are bickering about their respective positions. Charles is quizzed about whether he planned to kill Diana by cutting the brakes in her car, as she suggested in a letter (a reminder that the conspiracy theories began with her). 
Everyone is just desperately unhappy, and that makes for unhappy viewing. On top of that, Blair pops up to introduce the subject of Saddam Hussein and weapons of mass destruction. Not now, Tony.
A scene between William and the Queen is the closest this series gets to being funny, unless you count the King Tony and Queen Cherie dream in episode six. After explaining Harry’s drug-taking – “The wacky baccy. The ganja, Granny” – William announces that he has a girlfriend. “She’s from Berkshire.” “Nothing wrong with that, it’s where we keep most of our horses,” says the Queen. 
Then he explains that Kate wants him to meet her parents: “Not as a commitment thing, but because she likes being with them and wants me to come and hang out. Apparently, they eat together in the kitchen.” The Queen looks baffled: “Why, do they not have a dining room?” I think she’s joking when she says the Middletons must “prefer to behave like staff”, but with Staunton’s version of the Queen you never can tell. Later he goes to watch the Jubilee in Bucklebury. Carole has literally hung out the royal bunting for his arrival.
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